Hey guys! Remember when I told everyone that those “6 rules for proposing” floating around Pinterest were extremely stupid? Remember when, in a twist of karmic retribution, the stupid one was I all along, because I never saved that draft and the internet just ate the whole post? Remember how I re-wrote it? ‘Meeeember?
Lest you think I’m all negative (LOL opposite) I wanted to pop up today with some proposal “rules” in the affirmative. The 5 proposal commandments, if you will. And there are only 5 because 10 is just bonkers. They are not carved in stone (ba-dun-ttsss) because, as you well know, no one can tell you what your ring should look like, how much is should cost, or how you should propose. Not even highly qualified jewelry bloggers who talk too much! It depends on your personal tastes, what you prioritize, and your own love story. There’s a ring for every bride, and a proposal style all her own. The beauty of the biz is when we pair the right ones up and sparks fly.
So, please, bear in mind, that these commandments might not apply to you, but if you’re looking for rules, these are vastly superior to any that insist you “make sure her nails are done.” Honey, I can’t even do that for myself and I shudder to think how my husband would go about this task.
- Don’t Buy a Ring You Can’t Afford – Nope. Don’t do it. Don’t do it, don’t do it don’t do it.
- Know Your Audience – This ties slightly into the next commandment, but for once in my life I won’t get ahead of myself. You are buying a ring for the woman you love (sometimes a guy, but in my vast 6 years of experience, the men tend to care a whole lot less about their ring.) You are not buying it because “you have to” or to impress your friends. You aren’t buying it to show off to her friends. You are giving a gift out of love as a token of commitment. For some people, the ring is 100% optional. For others, the traditional engagement ring just doesn’t make their heart sing. For still others, you’d better be down on one knee with a robin’s egg sized diamond or else. Only you know the answer to this conundrum, and only you can get just the right ring and plan just the right proposal. Even if that means following all 6 of those dumb rules anyway, even if it means proposing on your next vacation because you can’t wait a second longer, then choosing her dream ring together. Even if it means skipping the 6 prong solitaire and getting her a cool raw diamond engagement ring or an antique sapphire ring that speaks to her old soul. The ball’s in your court and you decide what sport you’re playing.
- Screw Your [Ring] Selfie – This article horrified me, as it should you. Men aren’t proposing because they’re overwhelmed by the pressure of ring selfies? AYFKM?? It’s ironic because brides for the last 5 years have found themselves in tears over the unrealistic expectations established by Pinterest weddings. It’s not that I’m unfeeling guys. I can actually sympathize quite well – I remember sobbing into my Industrial-sized glass of chardonnay that we couldn’t afford the rose petal cannons or my concept of a champagne tower but instead of champagne the coupes would be filled with floating votives. The images that flood your brain with “inspiration” come from the best in the wedding industry, and their fees reflect their talent. So when you see Kim K. flashing around a Lorraine Schwartz creation that could’ve sunk the Titanic, remember that you won’t be held to the same standard. You are a normal human who will propose with a reasonable ring (or none at all! remember, priorities!) This brings me to the next commandment.
- Save The Crazy For The Wedding – There will be crazy. The aforementioned anecdote wasn’t even the farthest I inched out on the brittle branch of sanity while wedding planning. Ask my maid of honor about foot lipo. Go ahead, she’s on Twitter. We tweet-argue during The Bachelor, you’ll find her. So your proposal needn’t be insane. If you want to propose with your guitar, your fluffy puppy, and a candlelit night at home – just the two of you – do it. Don’t think you need to hire a choreographer, videographer, photographer (though they are great!) just to rack up the likes on Instagram.
- Remember What This is Really About – It’s not about the ring, says the jeweler. Do I want you to buy a ring? Absolutely. Do I want to demand to see that sucker as soon as she announces you’re engaged? Clearly. Do I want you to get so blinded by the ring buying process and perfect proposal ideation that you forget what you’re doing? NOPE. You’re asking her to spend the rest of your lives together. Your proposal should reflect the seriousness of the question, the depth of your love, and your joy at asking. Your proposal should – not the ring. You can’t translate that into carat weight.